《智慧书·第二辑·五一至一百》第20则
Know how to Refuse. One ought not to give way in everything nor to everybody. To know how to refuse is therefore as important as to know how to consent. This is especially the case with men of position. All depends on the how. Some men's No is thought more of than the Yes of others: for a gilded No is more satisfactory than a dry Yes. There are some who always have No on their lips, whereby they make everything distasteful. No always comes first with them, and when sometimes they give way after all, it does them no good on account of the unpleasing herald. Your refusal need not be point-blank: let the disappointment come by degrees. Nor let the refusal be final; that would be to destroy dependence; let some spice of hope remain to soften the rejection. Let politeness compensate and fine words supply the place of deeds. Yes and No are soon said, but give much to think over.
注释摘要
这一则的核心主张，用一句话说就是：拒绝不是不答应，而是用对的方式不答应，有时候“拒绝”比“答应”更能维系关系。原文的标题与正文同属一个完整的论证：“要懂得拒绝”－“一个人不该事事让步、对人人让步，因此，知道如何拒绝与知道如何应允同等重要。”这已经是全书的典型句法：先立一条行为准绳，再用反例、对比与层层推演把它细化成一整套分寸学。葛拉西安在这里没有把拒绝当成…