《智慧书·第一辑·一至五十》第33则
Know how to Withdraw. If it is a great lesson in life to know how to deny, it is a still greater to know how to deny oneself as regards both affairs and persons. There are extraneous occupations which eat away precious time. To be occupied in what does not concern you is worse than doing nothing. It is not enough for a careful man not to interfere with others, he must see that they do not interfere with him. One is not obliged to belong so much to all as not to belong at all to oneself. So with friends, their help should not be abused or more demanded from them than they themselves will grant. All excess is a failing, but above all in personal intercourse. A wise moderation in this best preserves the goodwill and esteem of all, for by this means that precious boon of courtesy is not gradually worn away. Thus you preserve your genius free to select the elect, and never sin against the unwritten laws of good taste.
注释摘要
葛拉西安这则的完整意思是：知道如何抽身而退，不仅要从别人身上学会拒绝，更要从自己身上学会拒绝——在俗务上拒绝自己，在人情上拒绝自己。前半句的 deny 指的是对他人说不，后半句的 deny oneself 则指向自我克制，主动从那些与自己无关的事、无止境的人际消耗中撤出来。他把这两层叠在一起，等于是说：真正困难的不是设防于外，而是对自己那股什么都想介入、谁…